I want to go boozing with him and Graham Linehan

i-witness (eyewitness) n Any internet messageboard user quoted in a newspaper article in a bid to pad out a weak story; eg: "Leona Lewis fans were furious last night after the star pulled out of a charity gig at the last minute. An i-witness raged: 'We'd queued in the rain for hours . . . Now when I look at my copy of Spirit it makes me want to puke.'"

Charlie Brooker is a genius.