I wouldn't know a big end if you threw one at me (100th post - woohoo!)

My car mechanic thinks I’m a moron. He already knows that I am utterly ignorant about both cars and money – which are the subjects about which all of our conversations revolve – and the situation is exacerbated because I am now nervous and fumbling in his presence. Yesterday I went to have a trivial piece of work done but didn’t have the requisite nut (it later turned up – in the glove compartment). I went back this morning and gave him both the nut and another widget. We then had a long conversation about the nut being the incorrect item, so I agreed to go back home and have another look.

“It’ll look like this, right?” I asked holding up the nut
“That is it.”
“But that’s what I gave you in the first place.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Yes I did.”
“No you didn’t.”
(Squealing) “Yes I diiid.”

He just looked at me pityingly and did the job. He didn’t charge me, and I knocked a load of merchandise of a shelf whilst reversing out.