I had an uncle who once played for Red Star Belgrade

If there’s one thing that I’ll never get used to in Australia – even more than calling flip-flops thongs – it’s the whole perverse Christmas in summertime thing. On Monday it was 39 FRIGGIN DEGREES and yet the shopping centres are still piping out Cliff Richard singing about mistletoe and mulled wine. Surreal and un-festive, but it won’t stop me enjoying a break from work before starting at Sydney Uni.

The daily(ish) swim is Beth’s new treat, plus it should help me & M get some exercise, however superficial. She doesn’t really appear to enjoy being in the water, but neither does she actively express unhappiness, so we’re considering it a work in progress. The solid food project is going flawlessly, though – sweet potato, pumpkin, rice cereal, it’s all going in.

I’ve got the eBay bug, worryingly. Anyone got any expansion sets for Talisman the board game they want to offload? Didn’t think so.

Finally, and in full, the greatest lyrics of any pop song ever, “The Saturday Boy” by Billy Bragg. He seems to have a direct line to my life as a teenager, and as for the “unrequited” rhyme – I am truly not worthy.

I’ll never forget the first day I met her
That september morning was clear and fresh
The way she spoke and laughed at my jokesAnd the way she rubbed herself
Against the edge of my desk
She became a magic mystery to me
And we’d sit together in double
History twice a week
And some days we’d walk the same way home
And it’s surprising how quick
A little rain can clear the streets
We dreamed of her and compared our dreams
But that was all that I ever tasted
She lied to me with her body you seeI lied to myself ’bout the chances I’d wasted
The times we were close
Were far and few between
In the darkness at the dances in the school canteen
Did she close her eyes like I didAs we held each other tight
And la la la la la la la la means I love you
She danced with me and I still hold that memory
Soft and sweet
And I stare up at her window
As I walk down her street
But I never made the first team,
I just made the first team laugh
And she never came to the phone
She was always in the bath
I had to look in the dictionary
To find out the meaning of unrequited
While she was giving herself for free
At a party to which I was never invited
I never understood my failings then
And I hide my humble hopes now
Thinking back she made us want her
A girl not old enough to shave her legs