I said “Naff off, scoundrel, you’re a cad”

OK, this is a footie post, so if you’re not interested then (a) skip it, and (b) you’re not my friend anymore. So.

2 weeks ago Arsenal needed to do 3 things:

1) Secure 4th place in the league
2) Win the Big Cup against the best team in the world
3) Retain Thierry Henry

All 3 looked very unlikely, and I would have taken any 2 of the three happily. As we now know, we’ve achieved numbers 1 and 3, and performed courageously in our failure for number 2. That’s a fantastic achievement I think, and the season can now be called a success despite the various travails along the way (including a fair amount of ill-informed twaddle).

Here’s my manifesto for the next season:

1) We’ve lost Pires and Bergkamp, and therefore a heap of experience, so a couple of big signings are essential. I’m talking about established players in the 26-30 age range; Gallas, Beckham, Torres or whoever. We’ve got plenty of young talent but it’s going to be a long season with the ECL qualifiers coming soon after the World cup, and 19-year-olds will always suffer a dip in form sometime.

2) Cut out the diving – yes, I mean you Eboue. Pires could be embarrassing sometimes, now he’s off we could do with losing that tag.

3) Stop moaning when we lose. The great performance against Barca was almost forgotten when all the press concentrated on the anti-ref nonsense. The ref was god-awful, but it clearly wasn’t all one way. We are irritated when Ferguson and Mourinho behave like that, Arsenal should show a bit of class.

And one FIFA directive I’d like to see; make it clear that waving an imaginary card at a ref in an attempt to get another player cautioned is ungentlemanly conduct, and therefore punishable with a yellow. No rule change required, and it would stamp out an ugly new trend.

Finally, did anyone watch the ECL final build-up on Sky? Asking for a prediction, Richard Keys turned to Paul Merson and began with” So Paul, if you were a betting man…”